I used to spend hours staring at the stars, I still do. I wonder what is out there and how many people around the world are doing the exact same thing and having the exact same thoughts. I imagine how small and insignificant I am. Yet, I have the power to do anything or be anyone, right? So what stops me from just taking off one day with a pocket full of loose change and a passport?
I could spend days just staring out my window, wondering what it would be like if I just left. I wonder what I'll see and who I'll meet and what I'll experience. I think that's why I love long walks with no destination. I'm in it for the adventure and the sights and learning something new. I have always been very curious. I always get told stories of me as a child from my family members. I used to always walk around saying "What's that?" or "Why?" because I was genuinely curious about the world around me.
I love car rides because I get a glimpse of how people live outside of my own life. Maybe that's why I find my hometown so suffocating. I loved it growing up, it's the perfect little town in the middle of no where. A place to call home and come back to after my daydreams. But now that I have left, I find it so difficult to go back, even if only for a few days. I feel trapped, like I will never get out.
I dream to live in New York one day. I hope to move there after I finish my degree. Living in London is another dream. They are my two favorite places in the world. Other than that, I want to see everything. To just put my life on hold and visit every country. I am tired of the everyday. It bores me. I need an adventure. I'd like to live out of a suitcase and never know where I'll rest my head at night. I'd like to meet new people and experience everything and face my fears.
But that's the funny thing: facing my fears.
I am an anxious person with a fear of new things and meeting new people. Possibly the biggest plot twist you've heard in a long time. The girl who wants nothing more to get out and explore is afraid of getting out and exploring.
See my dilemma?
Lately it's become so hard not to just get up and go. I spend less and less time at home and more just wandering in the cold. Spring break is right around the corner and I'd give anything to just explore during that time. Hop in the car with a friend or two and just drive. No set destination, just adventure, laughs, and an experience to tell for years to come.
The sad part isn't just that I don't have a car, but that I know it won't happen. I am determined to go somewhere new or exciting for at least one of the days, but how new and exciting is what I do not know. I guess all I can hope is that no matter where I end up, it's the memories and people, not necessarily the location, that I will remember and cherish the most.
Nothing special, but still meaningful.
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