Firstly, I realize how close graduation and the rest of my life is. I only have two more years of schooling before I am thrown head first into the working world. Like everyone always tells you, once freshman year of college is over, the rest of your life goes by in a blink. I still haven't fully processed that last semester is really over.
On top of that, I am faced with being a broke college student. I recently just paid $232 for four college text books that I will probably never open. The sad part is that I am still missing books for three more classes I will be taking this semester.
Like most college students, my bank account is taking a large hit. It's gotten to the point where if I don't get a job soon then I will have literally nothing. Unfortunately, my lack of a car (due to my old one getting totaled in a hail storm) leaves me unable to get a job until May at the earliest; when I can borrow my brother's car to transport me around.
I think the fact that there is literally nothing I can do about my current state is what scares me. Once again, I've spent hours awake at night, just thinking of the inevitable and how utterly screwed I am, yet have no ability to change the outcome of these events.
I want a job, but the shortness of winter break at home and lack of transportation at college won't let me. I want a successful career, but the fear of another new chapter in my life makes me want to crawl back to age 2 when the world was all coloring books and make believe.
This crisis has left me to my own thoughts at three in the morning. As they say, nothing good ever happens after two in the morning. So naturally, my mind is screwed too.
Sometimes I wish life came with a switch to turn my mind off. Over these short weeks on break, I think I'd much rather be on auto-pilot. That way it would be simpler and stress free. Then the first week of classes I'll just switch myself back into manual, when I won't have money and my future (or the world in general) on my mind due to the swamping of work.
Can someone invent that? I don't want to miss my life, I just want to bypass the difficult stuff for a little while. Not forever, just until I get a steady career and happiness sorted. Nothing special, but still meaningful.
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